Saturday, June 03, 2006
Last night, I realized that I still have four unfinished paintings at home and everytime I look at them, I always think "I'll finish it later, painting bores/tires me". 
I loved painting when I was still in highschool. I always use my dad's watercolor and paint on my sister's unused watercolor papers. Even though they're not as pretty as my paintings in college, I love them and I'm very proud of my work. When I started college, everything changed coz I learned the basics of painting and that I'm not the only one in my batch who had artistic inclinations. We are all artists. We only differ when it comes to ideas, techniques and application. I felt the insecurity that I never experienced when I was still in highschool. I thought that I was never good enough coz there are others who are better than me. And there are some people who keep telling me "You should not paint like that, paint like this...", "What's your concept? I dont get it." and "Please stop painting people, you should be painting landscapes or flowers." I felt unappreciated. I didn't tell them to just back off and let me do whatever I want; that's just plain rude. What I wanted them to know is that the reason why I love to paint is because it is my outlet. I don't want to paint just to please others. I paint coz I want to please myself. It's not selfishness if you ask me, coz I dont sell my paintings anyway. All of that increased my level of competency. Painting became a product, not an expression. The pressure of having to complete my artwork in time made me look at painting as an obligation. I have never poured my heart out again whenever I paint. When I graduated, I felt a relief. It's been a year now since I last finished a painting and I think that that one year break is already enough. I finally missed painting. As cheesy as it may sound, this is where I apply the quote "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". XD
just another day...
1:45 PM
