Friday, June 09, 2006
I feel so bad. (T.T)
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry...
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"What Noelle wants, Noelle gets".
That line used to work a million years ago.
I just realised that I'm the most stubborn person I know. Like yesterday, my parents wanted to take me to the hospital so we can consult an expert about my stomach problem. I'm scared shit of hospitals you know so even if I'm already dressed for work (I decided not to go to the office at the last minute of leaving coz I wasnt feeling well), I changed into my house clothes and went to sleep on my sister's bed. They all tried to convince me but failed. I really didnt want to go!! I hate hospitals. I hate it's hygienic smell coz I have this belief that bacterias and viruses are still floating around the whole place. I hate hospitals coz it reminds me of the time when I was a kid and got sick with h-fever. I hated all the blood tests, needles and dextrose. I hate that all the people seem to always have a fake smile plastered on their face when deep inside they feel so sorry for the kid patients for being sick. It also reminds me of the eye operation that I had for pink-eye and all the apparatus that they stick on my body when they were observing me for my heart murmur. I cried coz I felt so bad for myself. And I also got scared that they'd take me to a psychiatrist instead coz I've been having terrible mood swings lately. I'm sure that they dont even have an idea that I've been feeling depressed every month for no reason at all. I felt ashamed that they almost dragged me just to make me change my mind.
haaay... how I wish I was normal... I know I'm not. This isn't the normal thing that people my age are experiencing. I know that there are many people are are going through some worse shit but mine's hard, too. I want to change, really... it's just that I have to make some major adjustment and it's not very easy. I'm tired of thinking too much.
It's a good thing that they've installed TVs in buses coz they're such a good distraction. I don't have to stare outside the window and think about mundane things. I don't have to endure migraine because even for a short while, I've given my mind a rest. (U_u)
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I don't want you to change your mind.I know that you're as confused as I am but I'm still hoping that everything will turn out well.
just another day...
12:14 PM
