Friday, June 30, 2006
"...until she breaks down your defenses one by one..."
falalalalalaaaaa...
this is what 'getting lost in the music' should be like.
listening to my choice of mp3s is kinda calming.
I just can't stand the loud noises...
and my stupid computer can't even save a damn jpeg.
and it doesnt help that my migraine is bothering me again.
I really can't help it.
I'm anti-social. Still anti-ocial.
I don't think I'll ever change... not in a million years.
haha.
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So yeah, I've tried my best.
But it seems like I can't argue with fate.
Destiny ba itow? Ewan ko buh!
Pero seriously, I'm about to change my mind.
Kung di lang dahil sa stupid intervention na yan eh.
Maybe God wanted to tell me something.
Well, that's a good lesson learned.
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I just remembered, I asked for a sign dati pero nakalimutan ko na.
Then last week, I'm so sure na nasagot yung question ko eh..
The moment na nakita ko yung sign, naalala ko na I asked for it..
Yun nga lang, I have a goldfish's memory... I already forgot what it was.
Well anyway, yesterday yung lalaking katabi ko sa bus -he's snoring.
Anlakas. Yun lang.
just another day...
5:36 PM
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
I'm super super super bored.
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I miss my computer. It's not yet fixed coz both my cd-rom & burner aren't working. boo.
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I think it's better if you try to keep yourrself away from something every once in a while. Just like what I'm doing now. This detachment thing is harder than I thought. Is it because I'm a little obssessed? Maybe. (hope not).
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It's really bad if you delude yourself into thinking that everything will fall into place.
You shouldn't be always hopeful and optimistic. After all, this is a very crazy world... a fucked-up reality.
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Noelle...
score: ZERO, NADA, ZILCH... bokya.
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This depression thing just won't go away so I think I'll just keep myself from thinking about stupid thoughts. I want to paint... NOW NA!!! I want to graffiti... destructive for some, calmijng for me. I just want to lose myself in doing something productive. Oh wait! I just remembered that I have to finish the clay painting for my Aunt.
just another day...
5:05 PM
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
It's amazing how fast time flies. I used to worry about school work, plates, not having enough money to go shopping, getting lost in Recto... those stuff.
Now, I'm already earning my own moolah although it just slips away from my bank account to the nearest fast food restaurant, ukay-ukay and mall.
How I wish I didn't have this much passion for graphic design, so that I can pursue other careers or what the other people call "greener pastures".
The more money I earn, the happier. But is everything only about money nowadays?
Where's the happiness from accomplishing something you've poured your heart into, the contentment because of a job well done and the urge to do better because you know you have to catch up with the world?
Money is ALMOST everything.
But I'm still glad that I'm not yet that greedy to think that my life would be so much perfect if I have all the money in the world.
Or should I be worried that at this age I'm still as poor as a rat?
I'll think about that later.
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(Taken almost one year ago- June 30, 2005)I think this was during the time in 2005 that I've wallowed so much in self-pity because no matter how many times and how much convincing people are when they say that I'm so good in graphic design or web design, I'm still not good enough for the companies that I've applied for. I've never imagined that a few months later, they'll be the ones who'll repeatedly call me to offer the job that they didn't give me. It's like what I've learned as a kid: there are things that you want so much but for some weird reason, you just can't have them... and when you don't need them anymore, luck knocks on your door then BAM! it pops out of nowhere for you to enjoy.
how ironic.
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ouch. ouch. ouch. ouch. ouch. ouch.
OUCH.
I'm too damn stubborn.
Don't worry, I'm doing my best to forget about it.
Focus on something else, Elle. (>.<)
Listen to Jan Arden's song.
Listen to Jan Arden's song!
Hay nako, leche ka talaga.
Current Mood: Slightly Crushed. (T.T)
Mood today: slightly crushed (T.T)
just another day...
5:12 PM
Monday, June 26, 2006
Tita Luz and Ate Jan are planning a weekend meet-up.
I dont want to excite myself too much... baka di matuloy kc everytime we set dates for gimmicks/ hanging out, hindi natutuloy or di kami kumpleto.
Ang kulet nga ng YM message ni Janjan:
"punta daw we sbi ni luz sa katupan noelle ayain mo cna novie n hazel d great"
so i texted her kung saan yung 'Katupan'... baka kc she meant 'katipunan' or something, na-typo error lang.
Yun pala, "Katapusan". haha!! XD
si Tita Jan talaga oh! ngongo! XD XD XD
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watched Space Shower Awards on Channel V last Saturday. Na-shock kami sa nakita namin, kc late na ako nahilig sa L'arc~en~ciel... they have a video kung saan sumasayaw silang lahat na parang boyband. (0_o)!!
well anyway, Hyde is still super wafu kahit ano pagawa mo sa kanya.. hehe XD
and! and! Asian-Kung-Fu-Generation performed 3 songs!!
They also won the Best Group Video!
Yey!!!
I was kinda disappointed though that Bennie K's Dreamland video didn't win.
Oh well, I still love them! <3
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just downloaded vaness wu & kangta's album.
love it! <3
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I'm trying my best to reach out to people.
I don't want to be 'little-old-anti-social-me' anymore.
I'll go out as often as I can; not just every once in a while.
Para maarawan naman ako.
Basta this week, I've set an ukay-ukay trip to look for cutesy stuffed toys. My sis recommended a place.
For now, my Pullip doll can wait. My Dad can always buy one for me..hehe. XD
Money, come to me!! (>.<)!!!
just another day...
7:41 PM
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Maaga ako umalis papuntang office kc fiesta sa San Juan ngayon, siguradong traffic.
Then, nung nasa jeep na ako papuntang Recto... nagpapanic yung ale sa tabi ko, sabi nia:
"Ay! Ay! may nambabasa dyan!". Araw ng Maynila din pala ngayon... BASAAN din.
Pero I'm so lucky kc yung jeep na nasakyan ko eh yung may sliding glass windows. Yeah!
Napasimangot tuloy yung mga nangtatabo ng tubig kc nasayang effort nila.
Excited ako na makitang nambabasa yung mga tao s San Juan kaya sumakay ako ng airconditioned bus kc di yun napapasok ng tubig. Pero ang malas, kc pagdating ng V.Mapa, lumiko yung bus papuntang Araneta Ave. na super traffic, lumiko sa Gilmore then paglabas nasa Ortigas na. Mas mahaba ang binyahe. *sigh*.
Nakakatuwa kc nung nasa may Araneta Ave. pa lang, ang tahimik ng mga tao, parang malungkot tas nung nasa Ortigas na, lahat ng tao nakangiti na kc mabilisna ang takbo ng bus.
Now, I'm in the office. Wala akong ginagawa. Sana nag-offset na lang ako para di na lang ako pumasok ngayon. Malalabhan ko sana sina Qoo, Jigglypuff, Voodie and friends.
Punta na nga lang ako ng ukay mamaya... tignan ko kung may cutesy stuffed toys.
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Weird person, wag ka sanang kumanta ng malakas kung lalaki ka tas nagboboses babae ka... nagwawala tuloy yung gaydar ko eh. In-denial ka pa kasi. Tapos habang naglalakad ka, nagsasalita ka mag-isa na ikaw lang ang nakakaintindi. Nagsasalita ka na lang bigla, yun pala kinakausap mo ako or yung ibang tao na wala din idea kung sila nga ang kinakausap mo. Ang yabang tuloy ng dating kc kung magsalita ka parang siguradong-sigurado ka sa sarili mo. Get over it, pare. Um-out ka na kasi. Uso yun ngayon. Yun lang. Bow.
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I'm listening to Globe's "Feel like dance". I used to dance to this song when nung grade 4 pa ako.
hehe. XD
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Edit:
Ok, I just got home...
Mahal ni Lord ang mga nagdidiwang ng fiesta.
Anlakas ng ulan!!! as in di drops ang bumagsak, tipak talaga ng tubig...
wala man lang pasabi.. hah!
Di na kailangang mag-effort sa kakabuhos sa mga tao.
just another day...
11:33 AM
Friday, June 23, 2006
I'm so good in giving advices to people...
But when it's my turn to use my advice, how come everything backfires on me?
hmmm.... bakit kaya? (T.T)....
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I've had this crazy craving for yoghurt ever since I started drinking Dutch Mill Yoghurt Drink last week. Sarap! lalo na yung strawberry flavor. And it makes you full... kahit na di ako magbreakfast, it's enough hanggang lunch break. I think I'll continue this habit... ok na din 'to kc araw-araw ako kumkain ng fastfood and junk foods - para naman I'm still consuming something healthy.
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Had a chat with Dex and Angelo (from Saudi) last wednesday thru YM.
Kagabi naman, telebabad with Tita Hazel. Minsan lang talaga ako gumamit ng phone kc wala naman akong matatawagan para chikahin about *cough* my non-existing lovelife. There are only two people who cares to listen to my rants and ramblings. So, ayun... chismax with Hazel about our friends and classmates. I just realised that I've been too bummed lately thinking that I don't get to talk to my friends as much as I want to... when it's actually me who never reaches out to have a little conversation with them. I'm such an introvert talaga! Ano bang hiya-hiya yan Owel, eh makapal naman talaga mukha mo *talks to self*.
Oh well, you just can't teach an old dog a new trick. (Old dog here *waves hand frantically*).
I'm happy for everyone for *ehem* finding what they're looking for. I'm not bitter... just, uhmmm... enviouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus. Pero, seriously... I'm really happy for them (uyyyy, nakikishare na lang sa happiness ng ibang taoooo...). Um, yeah. That's it.
Alam mo 'self', kaya walang nangyayari sa'yo, eh kasi wala kang ginagawa.
Tapos you're asking why everything backfires? Gagah!
Stay like that and you'll end up an old hag who lives with 100 cats just like the joke you've heard on TV. Sheesh! You really are hopeless.
(T.T)...
Oh! perfect. Just perfect. The sad song you've been listening to the past 2 months is playing on your MP3 player again. I'm sure after that, you'll change the settings to Repeat so you can listen to that beautiful song over and over again.
haaaay.... <-----I'm always saying that at the end of my posts. (>.<)!!
just another day...
6:49 PM
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
as of 6:30 pm, I'm renting outside the office.
For my daily friendster fix.
Can't get over it...just like the smell inside this shop.
Nagrerenovate kc ung store na nagrerent beside this PC rental, naamoy hanggang d2 sa loob.
Potah! natatanggal na ang gutom ko!
I was thinking of going to the grocery to buy some snacks pa naman.
Tapos may mga weirdo pa rito...
What a bunch of losers!
Get a life, will yah?!
Sheeeeeeeet... this is heaven.
Now I know why the Rugby Boys are so addicted to rugby.
Goodbye Migraine, goodbye hunger...
this is teh life! rugby pare!!!
Waaaaah!!!! ansakit sa ilong ng amoy!
I wanna go home na.
I want to stop my offsetting habit.
Magpapakabait na ako (yeah right!)
just another day...
6:43 PM
diarrhea and constipation.
they are my two best friends in the world.
bestfriends coz I've gotten used to hanging around with these abnormalities.
Yeah, I know it's gross. But what else can I say? That's what is 'normal' to me. There are times when I feel like I'm bloated to eternal damnation. There are also heart-wrenching moments that makes me clutch the doorknob of the bathroom tightly while cursing myself for eating the left over avocado or drinking the papaya milkshake that's left in the fridge. My stupid digestion is also having a hard time processing dairy products every once in a while. The question that lingers in my head after every session in the CR is "Why?". Why ME when it could've been a drug lord, that guy who snatches the earrings of commuters, the shoplifter of the thriftshop, or the drunkards near the sari-sari store. This isn't fair! The only consolation that I have is that I'm having a simple taste of hell right now while the others can rot in hell later. It's bad enough that it takes me half an hour just waiting for something to pop out but what's worse is when my migraine suddenly recurs. It's hellish, pare.
haaaaay... life ain't fair talaga. Buti na lang I can still find humor in little things. Tama nga yung email sa'kin na edited quotes/kasabihan chuva...
"Life is like a stone... it's hard." XD
just another day...
4:24 PM
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Nakasabay ko ulit si Lenie last night sa jeep papuntang Tayuman. We shared updates about our classmates and teachers. We weren't close nung highschool coz we hang out with different groups of friends. Pero nakakatuwa kc we were laughing like old friends. Ang ingay nga namin sa jeep eh! XD
We recalled our highschool days... our classmates na magugulo, mga umiihi sa basurahan, sumusuntok ng blackboard, nagbabadminton sa likod ng classroom habang umiiyak na teacher namin, sumisigaw ng "Ano ba Humility?!". Yung teacher namin na favorite sabihin ang "Punyeta!", teacher na nagiging "e" ang "a" (example: apple- epol), teacher na nambabato ng sapatos, blackboard eraser...chuvaness eklat. Minsan din, ni-lock namin ung pinto ng room and nilagyan ng paste ung door knob para madikit sa teacher and nagkunwari kaming lahat na wala sa loob ng classroom kc sinara namin lahat ng pinto, bintana, ilaw tas dumapa kami sa sahig para walang makikitang silhouette from outside the room.
For most of us na naging magkakaklase, Humility (our section in first year) is the best class ever. I'm sure it wasn't because of the trouble/headaches that we've caused our school that made us so fond of that section but the friendships that we've formed during that year. I became friends with Iah in first year and naging kabarkada ko sya with Joan, Faye, Maggie and Dian hanggang mid-third year then sina Joan, Cajo, Melai, Aljon, Tiane,Tin, Dals, Chelle, Cezz plus Pangie nung third year up to fourth year. It's funny that our teachers think that our batch is 'patapon/pasaway'. They've said na wala kaming mararating or something like that pero look at us now (weh!)... most of us have graduated from college and are already working.
Nakakabilib din na yung mga boy-girl relationships nung highschool, nagpatuloy hanggang college and hanggang ngayon. I miss being in highschool. I love my alma mater! naman, kung di ka ba naman nag-kindergarten hanggang 4th year dun, di mo ba mamahalin ung highschool mo? Kahit na we called our school Money Collecting School because of the high tuition fee... kahit na masunog kami sa init ng araw sa quadrangle every wednesday reciting the novena for Our Lady of Perpetual Help (na nakabisado ko na ang booklet). Bentang-benta nga yung Cornick na binibili namin para kainin pag may program sa gym kc pinambabato din namin yun ng mga tao para mang-asar. I remember ung Inflatable Chuva every Foundation Day (na ni-move na ang date ng bagong admi), kahit na highschool na kami, mega-talon parin kami with matching tumbling. Dinala pa nga ng school ang Ginebra Team nung intrams '96.
Haaay, the joys of highschool life.
Those were the days chuvaness na naman.
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My sister just sent her UPCAT application form. Sana makapasa sya sa admission test kc gusto talaga nya mag-UP. I know she can do it, she's very smart for her age and she excells in both her English and Mathematics subject. Sabi nya ayaw niya mag-major in painting. Gusto din nya mag-ComArts chuva pero mas gusto niya magdrawing. So, Fine Arts ang kukunin nyang course. I told her she can take creative writing seminars during summer kung gusto niya (she's written fanfics online na maraming good reviews galing sa readers from different countries).
So there. =)
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Iniisip namin if magpapa-WiFi kami or cable DSL na lang kc antenna ang Wifi, baka topakin ngayong tag-ulan. Wala din namang laptop sa bahay kaya mas ok na siguro kung kahit na DSL na lang.
just another day...
1:18 PM
Monday, June 19, 2006
Went to the Toycon last Saturday.
It was fun Fun FUN!!!
Ms. Barbs is super nice to lend us some IDs so that we don't have to pay for the entrance. The line is sooooo long when we got there. It's a good thing that our company is one of the sponsors... we didn't need to wait in line just to get inside!
I pity the other kids who patiently waited outside the Megatrade Hall... tsk tsk!
Neener!!! XD (Gawd, I'm so childish!)
Well anyway, I have finally seen a real Pullips Doll -'up-close & personal'. I wish I had the money to buy one, particularly "Rida" but I'm a very unfortunate girl. I almost drooled at the Pullips dealer's booth! XD
The kid artists were very busy with entertaining people who are taking their survey for the comics. But they all looked so excited. I am also excited for the launching of Neo Comics.
I bought a "How To Draw Manga" book for my sister Kawen since she's so into the manga-style drawing. I also bought the first two volumes of the Cast comic. Saw a college classmate Rommel who we learned, is working for Wacom.
I'm in fangirl mode all day! The cosplayers seemed to have so much fun than the fangirls/fanboys like me who just went there to watch.
I just watched their skit on stage but decided to go home coz my feet are killing me. Being small has its downside, all the tiptoeing just to see the cosplay event left my feet throbbing in pain. Owels, itchoke. (^___^)v
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Badtrip nung pauwi na ako... this construction worker nudged his friend when he saw me walking. Nung lumampas na ako, he shouted:
"Dadaaaaa!! Dadaaaaaa! Wag mo akong iwan, Dadaaaaa!!!!".
Fucking Retard.
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Ate Lee's friend came over yesterday to fix the computers. My sister had to buy a new CDrom for her computer coz both the burner and CDrom are already damaged beyond repair. Hope the computers are ok now so that we can apply for a Wi-Fi connection
just another day...
11:41 AM
Friday, June 16, 2006
My sister told me something about her friends who sang the same song as if by ESP.
It reminded me of myself when I would always finish my friends' sentences. Or I'd blurt out something that they were thinking for hours. My friends and I always laughed at how silly an idea it woul've been if I can really read minds. Contrary to their reactions, it scares the hell out of my sister. Everytime she sings a song on her mind, I'd suddenly sing that song out loud and she'd be very shocked. It happened lots of times and she's a little convinced that I can really read people's minds... like I have some antenna that can receive some invisible wave of whatever the other people are thinking.
It's weird and funny...though it would be really cool if I have some sort of power. I told my mom about that and she didn't like the idea coz it'll be really scary if you've read someone thinking about gruesome stuff. Creepy nga. Well anyway, it's friday! I'll go to the mall muna to buy some toiletries tapos I'll go home. wheee~~ XD
just another day...
7:33 PM
Thursday, June 15, 2006
background music- torete by moonstar88.
I love that song. It's a good song and it's kinda refreshing to hear a girl's beautiful voice in the office. They usually play old records like The Beatles, Apo Hiking Society, Tito Vic & Joey (what?!), and movie soundtracks. Some of them are good but really just not my type. Not my type... how many times have I said that phrase? hmmmmmn...
Well anyway, I have money to spend again. I still wish I'm earning 20thou a month but WTH, it's better than bumming at home. At least I'm being productive. My mom told me 2 nights ago that I can always change my mind... I told her that I would want to work abroad IF there's an offer. I have dreams, you know. Just like what someone told me, "Be ambitious! dont be contented with what you have right now!". I know that being ambitious isn't bad as long as I wont be stepping on other people's happiness just to achieve my dreams. Little by little, step by step... I'll get there. In the meantime, I want to enjoy being 21 muna. I dont want to get old saying 'shoulda-woulda-coulda chuva".
Pero sometimes, I wish I'm a very very very mean person. Yung super bitchy, maldita, tapos may "I don't-give-a-damn" attitude. Kontrabida. Yung walang conscience. Tapos tatawa na lang ng malakas pagkatapos mang-api. Wala lang. Stupid idea, huh? =P
I'm feeling nauseous. I don't know why... maybe it's because of my freakin' migraine. Haha... my sis once told me that her classmate thought it's called "Mine Grain". Nyahaha! XD
just another day...
7:17 PM
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
download. download. download.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!
can't wait til we get wifi at home.
yeshhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
I'm sure that my sisters and I will be very busy with downloads.
nyahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!
we're just waiting for my computer to get fixed... something's wrong with the video card.
It also needs a reformat... it's a good thing we already have a back-up of our files from my PC. =P
and Ate Lee's computer is weird... both the CDrom and burner drive can't read burned CDs. Her friend's coming over this week to help fix the PCs.
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I'm starting to love chinese songs. The only chinese mp3 that I downloaded and listened to when I'm still in college is Vivian Xu's Jue Ding Ai Ni. Gosh! Talagang naadik ako sa song na yun! And I got so hooked on the show Love Storm sa CTS channel even if I cant even understand a single word they're saying. Teaser pa lang nung ipapalabas pa lang, inabangan ko na talaga! I know lots of taiwanese singers but I've only seen their music video and haven't payed any attention to their songs. Now, nakakapagsisi bakit ngayon lang ako nahilig sa c-pop!!! I'm currently listening to S.H.E.'s supermodel and Wilber Pan's Bu De Bu Ai. <3
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Toycon this weekend.
I'll finally see a Pullips doll!
I'm so excited I'm gonna pee in my pants! hehe... joke! XD
Pero seriously, excited talaga ako...
even if my puppy-do-eyes wont work on my Dad (for him to give me moolah to buy one)... itchokeh. Seeing one is enough to give me happiness. yeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
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I'm so in love with the manga "Nousatsu Rock Star" by Kikuchi Kamaro. It's a one-shot manga about a simple girl, Miki- who's in love with the vocalist of the band East Robo- Screw. She got in trouble when she stood up for the geek Haitani. Ah basta! ang cute-cute ng story kahit na madaling mahulaan ung mangyayari... and ganda pa ng drawing. I read on the internet that there's already a sequel to it entitled "Nousatsu Rock Shonen" kc naging very popular ung one-shot. I wanna read it!!! problem is, I'm super stupid when it comes to instructions on how to download kc hahanapin pa ung password ng site and I don't know how to use IRC. So there. Ang cute ni Nobitani the geek!!!!!!! XD
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Kawen and I went to BookSale at SM last sunday. Bought an ANIME Insider magazine kc nasa cover si Yuko ng Holic. And shocking!!!! They're selling Shonen Jump for only 250 pesos!!!! ang mura considering na May 2006 issue lang yun and ang kapal pa compared to the mangas that they're selling for almost 500 pesos!
Ang galing! may naligaw dun na Shonen Jump! 'naligaw' kc iisa lang talaga sya. (0_0)!!!
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Tita Norma left this morning to go back to Trinidad & Tobago. She'll be stopping by Korea muna before she transfer to another plane. Ambilis ng time. Di man lang ako nakasama sa mga gala ng mag-anak. Just a sign that I'm getting OLD na. (>.<);
She gave me antihistamine tablets for my allergy, black sandals and a Neutrogena tinted lip gloss. We'll miss her so much kc every two years lang sya umuuwi ng Philippines. =(
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it's back to school for the kids.
just another day...
6:47 PM
Friday, June 09, 2006
I found an old drawing from college based on Philippine Mythology.
I loved how it turned out when I inked the drawing. And it looks good too when I printed it in wallet size. nyehe XD
I'm bored again. It's a good thing I always bring with me my sketch book so that even if I'm in a bus, I can doodle away and forget who the hell's is sitting behind me (and whoever's big butt is squeezing me into the window especially now that I've realized I'm a little claustrophobic!).
This is what happens when you are extremely bored... even if you have to sketch using the mouse suddenly becomes fun. I want to have a pen tablet. gah.
hello world. howarya doin?.
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a friend once asked me randomly through SMS:
Have you ever been in love?!
I asked her, "Why are you asking?"
She repied with "Wala, ang corny ko noh...hehe".
Wala lang. Wala kc akong load ngayon eh.
Wala ding sense. XD
just another day...
5:49 PM
I feel so bad. (T.T)
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry...
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"What Noelle wants, Noelle gets".
That line used to work a million years ago.
I just realised that I'm the most stubborn person I know. Like yesterday, my parents wanted to take me to the hospital so we can consult an expert about my stomach problem. I'm scared shit of hospitals you know so even if I'm already dressed for work (I decided not to go to the office at the last minute of leaving coz I wasnt feeling well), I changed into my house clothes and went to sleep on my sister's bed. They all tried to convince me but failed. I really didnt want to go!! I hate hospitals. I hate it's hygienic smell coz I have this belief that bacterias and viruses are still floating around the whole place. I hate hospitals coz it reminds me of the time when I was a kid and got sick with h-fever. I hated all the blood tests, needles and dextrose. I hate that all the people seem to always have a fake smile plastered on their face when deep inside they feel so sorry for the kid patients for being sick. It also reminds me of the eye operation that I had for pink-eye and all the apparatus that they stick on my body when they were observing me for my heart murmur. I cried coz I felt so bad for myself. And I also got scared that they'd take me to a psychiatrist instead coz I've been having terrible mood swings lately. I'm sure that they dont even have an idea that I've been feeling depressed every month for no reason at all. I felt ashamed that they almost dragged me just to make me change my mind.
haaay... how I wish I was normal... I know I'm not. This isn't the normal thing that people my age are experiencing. I know that there are many people are are going through some worse shit but mine's hard, too. I want to change, really... it's just that I have to make some major adjustment and it's not very easy. I'm tired of thinking too much.
It's a good thing that they've installed TVs in buses coz they're such a good distraction. I don't have to stare outside the window and think about mundane things. I don't have to endure migraine because even for a short while, I've given my mind a rest. (U_u)
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I don't want you to change your mind.I know that you're as confused as I am but I'm still hoping that everything will turn out well.
just another day...
12:14 PM
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
I dont know why people keep obsessing about my weight. Does it bother them that much? Do I look hideous? It pisses me off especially in the morning when I'm really cranky to hear a comment like "Ang taba mo!!!", It depends on who's saying it but what I hate is when you're making me look like I'm a slob for being fat. If you want to starve yourself to death, then go do it. I wouldnt care. I don't want to end up like some anorexic bimbos out there who thinks that reed-thin is so cool. I love to cook and eat. Gluttony is not the reason why I'm like this, I have a very slow metabolism, you know?! I am eternally constipated. It means that I don't poop regularly, okay? I've tried all those fiber drinks, supplements and exercises but nothing worked. I bet you dont even know how it feels not to poop for a few days. How would you feel if you're constipated and fat then I tell you side comments like "You're fat."? Why is it that this society always mocks people who are fat/chubby/bigboned/whatver-you-may-call-it? Gaining a freaking pound did not decrease my IQ. How about you, has throwing an insult at me increased your IQ? We all have our insecurities, I know. It's just that we have to be a little careful when it comes to making comments about other people. If you want me to respect you, please respect me.
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rant, rant, rant.. (>.<)!!!
just another day...
1:55 PM
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Last night, I realized that I still have four unfinished paintings at home and everytime I look at them, I always think "I'll finish it later, painting bores/tires me". 
I loved painting when I was still in highschool. I always use my dad's watercolor and paint on my sister's unused watercolor papers. Even though they're not as pretty as my paintings in college, I love them and I'm very proud of my work. When I started college, everything changed coz I learned the basics of painting and that I'm not the only one in my batch who had artistic inclinations. We are all artists. We only differ when it comes to ideas, techniques and application. I felt the insecurity that I never experienced when I was still in highschool. I thought that I was never good enough coz there are others who are better than me. And there are some people who keep telling me "You should not paint like that, paint like this...", "What's your concept? I dont get it." and "Please stop painting people, you should be painting landscapes or flowers." I felt unappreciated. I didn't tell them to just back off and let me do whatever I want; that's just plain rude. What I wanted them to know is that the reason why I love to paint is because it is my outlet. I don't want to paint just to please others. I paint coz I want to please myself. It's not selfishness if you ask me, coz I dont sell my paintings anyway. All of that increased my level of competency. Painting became a product, not an expression. The pressure of having to complete my artwork in time made me look at painting as an obligation. I have never poured my heart out again whenever I paint. When I graduated, I felt a relief. It's been a year now since I last finished a painting and I think that that one year break is already enough. I finally missed painting. As cheesy as it may sound, this is where I apply the quote "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". XD
just another day...
1:45 PM
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Dear Hair,
It was a cold December night when I went to the salon to have you trimmed. I regretted that decision coz I've been so used to flipping you and curling your ends. It's already June and it seems like you still have no plans of growing. If you ask me, I think you've only grown approximately two inches. That sucks considering that I've taken hella good care of you ever since that dreadful December night. The only consolation that you've given me is that you're still very thick even if a handful of your strands fall off in the morning while I'm taking my daily shower. It makes me so confident that I'll never be bald when I turn 90 or 100 years old. But that's thinking too far ahead, I'm still 21 years old. I miss your long locks even if you're always dry and frizzy no matter what I do. Even if I need to spend more just so you'll grow longer as soon as possible... just, please, grow now. (=.=)
just another day...
7:58 PM
